I'm so Bad

Bad to the bones. Doug and I met up last night to exchange some things we still had from each other. I had "I hate everything about you" By Three Days Grace blaring from my speakers when he drove up. He had his friend House with him. The coward. Didn't want to give me an opportunity to say anything to him. Just shoved my stuff inside the car, took his and drove off. I almost laughed. Almost. But I didn't cry either, which is good because I haven't started crying, crying. Sometimes a thought catches me unaware and my eyes tear up - but I don't let anything spill. I just blink real hard and concentrate on how much he isn't worth my time or tears. But what really got me - was that he seemed pissed at me. He cheated! Not me! I didn't do anything but confront him, and I could have done a lot worse than yelling at him in front of the girl. it really pissed me off that he was angry and here I was, with enough reason to be angry, but - not really angry. Maybe I'm just over it. Maybe I really wanted him to apologize and tell me how much he screwed up so I could tell him I was done with him forever. Maybe I'll admit that deep down inside I had hoped we work it out. I don't know. I can't say I didn't expect anything different, because I knew what happened would be exactly what happened - but I guess I couldn't help but hope - he felt some remorse. But no. Not Doug.

So I checked his email to see if he had read my email I had sent a couple of days ago, he just deleted it. But he sent an email to a friend who had asked who his flavor of the week was. They thought it would still be me, but he didn't mention what happened between us to his friend. But he said Breanna and this girl named Lauren. So the bad person I am - I forwarded the email to Lauren. because I'm sure he's told her he wants to be with just her now. Silly girl. And since she knows we broke up, she wouldn't suspect. Well I knew a little bit about him talking to Breanna when we were together, but no firm evidence. But I figured she had a right to know just how stupid she was being by staying with him.

And that will teach him to not give his passwords out to his girlfriends and then not change them when he cheats on them. I could do worse. Unenroll him from his classes, charge up his best buy card, take all of the money from his account and pay off something - like his visa card. because - what could he do? But I'm not that horrible of a person. So I just taught him a little lesson and let Lauren know - he's a dog who will always be a dog.

I do miss him though. And chloe.

What am I supposed to do? How do I get over him? Any advice would be appreciated. I just - I don't want to love him anymore...

It's hard to have been with someone for so long - love them for all you are worth and then - just pretend they don't mean anything. Close to impossible.